My bittersweet symphony

Aug 2, 2016
2 min read

Colorado Countdown: 2 weeks

Well shit guys.

I'm officially living out of one laundry basket of clothing while the rest is packed in boxes. My closet is bone dry and my drawers are hollow. My room practically looks the same as it did around this same time last year. So why does it look all the same but feel entirely different??

I guess it's because once I'm out "there", I'm out there for good.

No, not forever. I'll be home for christmas and probably for a little bit next summer. Yet, eventually I will establish residency and live out in Colorado permanently. It really is crazy to think about. I am so unbelievably ready and excited to start the next "chapter" of my life.

Thinking about leaving often times gets so overwhelming it makes me so dizzy that I feel as if I'm gonna throw up. My emotions are rapidly spiraling out of control and I have no idea what's going on.

I'm so happy, sad, excited, anxious, doubtful, hopeful and confident all at the same time.

I am feeling everything all at once.

I'm happy because I'm getting out of this place, sad because I'm leaving my dog, excited about meeting new people, anxious about schoolwork (and a million other things, doubtful that I won't hate my mom after sitting in a car with her for 3 days straight, hopeful that people actually like me, and confident that this experience is going to change my life in the most beautiful ways.

Leaving a place that has affected me and shaped me in so many ways really does makes me sad. This town seems to know me better than I know myself. Even though I essentially "left" this place a year ago, it feels different this time because I really won't be coming back. Connecticut is no longer my home and that is really fucking bittersweet. *Cue The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony*

Although there is so much love in this place, there is also plenty of hurt. I truly believe that a lot of my past hurts will finally be put to rest once I leave. Other than family and a few friends, I know there is nothing left for me here. If I stay here now, I know I'll be stuck forever. There is no longer a reason for me to stay which is making it (somewhat) easier to leave. I can no longer better myself from this place and I gotta move on.

Windsor has done it's job, now it's time to live and learn in a whole new place. I am going to miss being in a place where I seem to know everyone and everything. I am going to miss all of the crazy people, especially those of you who I have met this summer.

Thank you my little connecticut town and the rest of New England for being my home for the past 18 years, it's been real.