Life is funny sometimes

I recently had a conversation with a friend that I had met my freshman year at Roger Williams. We weren't very close but would run into each other on campus every once in a while and stop and chat. 

He was one of the few people who I considered to be true to themselves at that school and I always had an admiration for him for being that way. 

The recent conversation brought up why I had left Roger, why I love going to CU and the differences between the two schools.

This made me reflect back on my time at Roger.

It's been over two whole years since I stepped foot on that campus first day of freshman year and over a year and a half since I took my last steps there. 

During this time of reflection, I thought what better way to reflect than to read my journal / blog posts about my time there and

WOW

I started to cry. I cried really hard rereading those blog posts and journal entries. Roger Williams seems like forever ago. I am a completely different person. Everything has changed. The person I was back then is a faded, distant memory that is so fuzzy l question whether it was all real. But when I reread those posts, that person came flooding back. That person is still here, that person has just been sleeping. 

That person has just woken up.

I believe the reason I got so emotional is because frankly, I'm lost. So much has changed so quickly that sometimes it's hard to grasp what's going on and who I am. My past self was woken up because those words are what I need to hear right now. Surprisingly enough, they came from the person I thought I had lost.

There are two entries I would like to reshare with you from my journal that were in my blog posts Prelude 1 and from Prelude 2.

Prelude One

Journal entry from 13 December 2015 "Goals for 2016: Stop the doubts and stop the fears Let go of it all Don't let the darkness of your mind get the best of you If you want it, get it. Don't let anyone take your happiness and your freedom away from you Never forget that you deserve good things It's okay to feel what you're feeling"

Prelude Two

Journal Entry January 2016

"This life is so beautiful. There are endless possibilities. You can do and be anything you want. Life is so insignificant but in a freeing type of way. Do what makes you happy. Stop caring about what people say / think. This is your life. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Go do things and don't look back with any regret. Do thing that scare you. Never stop your desire to learn about life and learn about yourself. At the end of your life you don't want to see that you spent your life on a journey to please others and you didn't even please yourself. Every day holds a new adventure filled with endless possibilities. Go get it. Stop waiting for a good life."

If you asked me a day ago, a week ago, or even a year ago, I would've never known it would be my past self that would be giving me the advice I so desperately need and have needed for quite some time.

My life since I've moved here has been pure insanity. I have had the happiest moments and moments where I felt as though the weight of the world was on my shoulders and my knees were buckling with the weight of it all.

Due to my busy, very adult, lifestyle I've forgotten why I picked up everything and moved to Colorado. I've forgotten how much control I have over my own happiness and my life. I've forgotten that I deserve good things. I've forgotten that love paves the path to kindness, acceptance and freedom. Struggles, hardships, fear and uncertainty had taken my past self and locked her away. 

Well, thanks to that conversation, I was given the key.